It has been months since I have blogged on marriage. Let myself get caught up in other life happenings. So I am back in the saddle so to speak and getting back on the trail of building quality marriages.
Marriage is a commitment to me because it is something I choose to do. It is easy to be mad at your spouse, or even just plain old comfortable to where you do not notice the best things your spouse brings to the relationship. It will be up to you to get past those comfortable or hard times to remember the benefits your spouse brings to your life.
I have seen it played out on Facebook and Twitter all to often. Husband and wife get into an argument and now everyone on their social media account knows all about it. Whose side do you pick? Do you get in there and start sharing about how your spouse is just as bad or even worse? Then it just seems to escalate into a spouse bashing frenzy!
My advice is this… Keep your troubles to your self! Do not splash all over the place about how much you are mad at him or how she is just a B—-! It does not serve you, your spouse or your friends in any way to be in the middle of your stuff!
How you speak about your spouse is very important in your relationship. Every time you speak down about your spouse even when you do it in a joking manner, you begin to tear them down in your head. By doing this you begin to lose respect, compassion, tolerance and patience with your spouse. You are in essence saying that they are not enough or that they do not deserve to be treated better. You begin to break away the commitment for your spouse and it makes it harder to fall in love with them every day. By tearing them down in your mind and in front of others you are tearing away trust and honor for them. This turns to resentment and distrust which blocks true intimacy with your spouse.
When you speak highly of your spouse, you build them up. You remind them and yourself about how valuable they are in your life. When you speak highly of your spouse to others people begin to see those same characteristics in your spouse which shows honor and trust in your community. Your friends might notice some of your spouses flaws but because you speak highly of them they are willing to look past those flaws also. You won’t often hear others bad mouth your spouse because they do not hear it from you. You are creating boundaries that will not allow anyone else to step into the line of your commitment. People will want to have a marriage like yours and will want to act the way you do. You get to be a role model for those people who have never seen someone treat a spouse with respect and compassion.
There are enough negative nelly’s out in the world when it comes to marriage. The divorce rate is high. I believe that many marriages could have been saved from divorce if both the husband and the wife focused on the great things about their spouse instead of all the mistakes or differences they had.
Neither I nor my husband are perfect! We are however perfect for each other. That does not mean that we don’t argue, disagree or just plain need a timeout from each other! We do! It means that our commitment is strong with each other to be okay with making mistakes, having differences and being able to speak the truth to each other.
I recall in our early years together talking with girlfriends about how much of a pain he was, or how he cared more about this and that than me. It wasn’t true it was just where I was choosing to focus. My friends began to see him in the same light I would speak about. They never saw both sides of the story and I had to do more damage control for his sake because if me blabbing where I had no business doing so. Get my point here?
Speak highly of yourself and speak highly of your spouse. Build trust, compassion and respect for each other just by keeping your challenges between you, your spouse, a counselor or a marriage group. Find the right people to help you through the challenges not tear down your marriage with your words and thoughts. Lift up your spouse, especially when you feel like tearing them down because your emotions are about ready to get the best of you. That is when you make a list of what he or she does right. Keep going because marriage is worth the effort.