Gift From My Husband

You know those times when you feel like you have been heard over the years and when it happens you get a warm fuzzy feeling inside?  Well if you get those often then wonderful!  I do not get them often in my relationship with my husband.  Not to say that I do not often feel heard.  It is just I am not normally the warm and fuzzy feeling kind of gal.  I have to really pay attention to find those warm and fuzzy moments.

I watch romantic movies and read soft romance books.  I do this to remind myself what romance looks like at some level.  I have to get tips, hints and ideas from mentors, books, movies to keep me in line with being a romantic wife.  For so many years I expected my husband to be romantic but I did not even really know what romance looked like.  What I thought was romantic when I was young ended up with some harsh memories from my short weeding to my ex-husband.  All my ideas of romance got kicked out the window.

I am so much better now at spotting romance and being romantic than I was for many years.  I do believe romance is important in marriage.  I mean who wants to sit in idle in marriage and have a feeling of stagnant energy in marriage?  Not me!  My husband posted on my Facebook page “The Top 10 Reasons I Love You”.  I have done this to him many times.  I have posted some of my reasons for loving him on this blog.  Here is my husbands top 10 for me.

The top 10 reasons that I love you:

1. Because you are a passionate person – You love deeply and fiercely.
2. You are a caring person – You often care more about others than they care about themselves.
3. You’re an AMAZING mother – You take the time necessary to learn all you can about raising children and to ensure that they always get treated best based on their own unique personality & needs.
4. Your sexy body!
5. WOW! You are such a good cook!
6. You’re a great wife – You take care of me and are incredibly tolerant of my quirks & annoying ways.
7. You have solid values – You’ve taken the time to hone your personal values and you hold to them rigorously.
8. You are intelligent – You love to learn and are always a student. You can solve complex problems in a way that best serves all parties and can manage a respectable amount of information inside of that small head of yours.
9. You are tolerant and peaceful – You enjoy harmony and bring peace wherever you go.
10. You are courageous – You are not afraid to try new things and challenge your own beliefs.

I mentioned earlier about the warm fuzzy feelings this caused.  You see it seems my husband has hit some very deep connections to why we are still married right here in this list.

He sees me through the tough exterior, the facade I put up to keep others from getting to close in my life.  He sees past the logic in me and hits right to my heart in how he sees me.  No one else in the world can see all of what he sees in me.  I did point out to him that I thought he might need to get his eyes checked on number six and yet he reassures me that he sees just fine.  I also pointed out to him that number ten is a little flawed in that I am afraid to try new things it is just that I will try anyway to continue to challenge who I think I am and what I think my limits are.

I have to give him credit for making this a public declaration and beyond that I want to acknowledge him for seeing past me and truly seeing into my heart.  Well played my dear!  This was the most inexpensive gift he presented me with, yet one of the most loving gifts he could ever offer to me.

What do you see deeply about your spouse?  Have you shared these with them?  What have you missed from being busy and not focusing on them?  Just some thoughts to get you to notice your spouses heart at a deeper level.

Celebrate Love Today

Today is Valentine’s Day so lets talk about what that means to you.

Are you the kind of person who thinks Valentine’s Day is just a bunch of hoowie? Just a way for consumers to spend money and retail is the big winner?

Maybe you are the type that really enjoys Valentine’s Day and all the gifts that could come with it.  Romantic dinner, flowers and candy!  Go ahead honey go all out for me kind of day.  One of the few times your spouse really puts some effort into romancing you.

Do you dread Valentine’s Day because it puts a lot of pressure on you to be more than you normally are?  You feel you have to do something or your spouse will be upset, but really you wish it would go away because you do not seem to live up to the expectations of your spouse.

When we were first married, we did not have money to get gifts for each other.  I am a gift loving romantic.  My husband is not.  I was lucky to get a card and that might have been all for many years.  We were so busy trying to build our business that we really did not have time for Valentine’s Day.  He was working in the evenings and I was working during the day so it was almost like “never the two shall meet” kind of life for a while.

One solution we had to this is we would celebrate Valentine’s Day every four years on Leap Day.  Every Feb. 29th we took time off and scheduled a date with each other.  The first one was a picnic lunch and then we went to the movies.  Then we went thirty minutes out of town for dinner and spent the night at a hotel.  On Valentine’s Day we gave each other cards and move on to a regular day.

Nowadays, we do both.  I don’t need $50 – $100 flowers to feel special so he goes to Costco and picks up a $20 – $25 bouquet.  We have cards and most of the time he gives me a gift from one of my favorite stores.  I used to get him gifts too but throughout the years I have learned that he either returns my gift or doesn’t really find value in it.  He is not a gift man, he is an acts of service man.  So if I take his truck to get washed and detailed then he really appreciates that. If I make his favorite dessert or give him a gift certificate for someplace he likes to go to and have an adventure then he is good.

~In case you have not read Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages I would recommend that you get it and you and your spouse read it together.  Or it is on audio so you can listen to it together.

~If you are looking for some quick, easy and inexpensive ways to date your spouse go back to my posting “21 Inexpensive Dates” to get some ideas.

Like I said I am the one who likes the romance.  I have dream dates that will likely never happen.  Like my husband arriving at the office in a limousine, dressed in a tuxedo with the bouquet of flowers to whisk me off on a romantic getaway.  My luggage is packed with a beautiful new dress that is perfect for me and of course the cutest shoes and handbag to match.  He has handled all the necessary issues with kids, pets and work and we leave our cell phones off and we take time off to just enjoy each other.

Who wants this for themselves too?

What is your dream date look like with your spouse?

The main reason we choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day is because in marriage it is easy to get stuck in our same old comfortable routine.  Every holiday/event day should be celebrated so that you commit to take the time away from the regular and step into discovering more ways to have fun with your spouse.  It does not have to cost you money, it will however cost you time.

Learn a new card game to play, pull out a board game and play as if you have nothing to lose or relate it to your life right now.  Invite friends over for a potluck, make it a time when you invite singles over to your home so they are not alone.  Get creative and have fun finding ways to be with and discover more about each other.  I still learn things about my husband and we have been together for almost twenty four years.  I make a conscious effort to learn more about him because he is growing as he does new things in life and I change so I can look at things he has done forever with a new view on it.

If you think Valentine’s Day is hoowie then make sure to find time to connect with each other on a regular basis.  Love the romance then go all out with what is in your budget to do.  Keep the pressure out by communicating with each other about what your expectations for this day or romance in general. You will have a much better time with each other.

Today I wish you the kind of love your heart is meant for.  Whether you are married or not, in a relationship or not, find something today that expresses love.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love you.  Go out and do something you like for you or do something for someone else.  Buy some kids valentines cards and hand them out on the street.  Anything to get you to celebrate love today.  Enjoy celebrating love today.

Marriage Confidence

What is your confidence level in marriage?

I want to address an issue around being confident in marriage.  In order to be truly confident in your marriage you must be confident in who you are.  I know that when I  was younger in my 20’s and early 30’s I will admit my self esteem and confidence in who I was had some issues at times.  After being divorced once I know my marriage confidence level had taken a pretty severe beating.

I found out that the more confidence I had in myself and my abilities in my life the more confidence I had in my marriage.  Why is this important?  I believe that when you lack confidence in your marriage you do not deal with the hard issues until they become so bad that you have to.  Or how about those really intimate conversations you want to have with your spouse but never sure when the right time is?  When you have confidence in your marriage you are willing to take the time to ask those questions without fear of judgment or shame.  You also communicate clearly on the important issues instead of sweeping them under the rug.

I know throughout the years I have struggled with some issues around confidence in talking to my husband about some important issues.  Money, bills, kids, sex as well as dreams and desires.  Some of the time my lack of confidence in certain issues created arguments and mental shut down.

I will admit that none of my children were ever planned!  At least not by me! I say God decided more than I did.  My oldest son was conceived the first time I had sex.  My second son came after a contraceptive failed.  Third son, I don’t even know what happened there and my daughter was discovered after I was three months pregnant after injuring my foot!  My husband and I never spoke about having kids when.  The only thing that we ever talked about was, we can’t have more kids because we just can not afford them.  “I want to make more money and get the business going strong before we have any more” is what he would say.  And wouldn’t you know it we still did not have the business going where we wanted it to be yet and another one was on the way!  I was always afraid to tell him I was pregnant.  Never once in my life have I experienced the joy of discovering that I was pregnant.  The joys came later but my confidence in my marriage was not where it needed to be.

Having conversations about money has always been an issue for me.  Since I grew up with my parents telling me “money doesn’t grow on trees”, “no you can’t have that”, “we can’t afford that” for a long time I had some major scarcity issues around money.  Even to this day it takes some tender loving care from my husband to talk to me about money.  It is not so much a scarcity issue anymore, it is more about a belief that is deeply ingrained in me that I choose to work on all the time.

Asking my husband for what I need in the relationship used to sound a little like nagging or whining.  Now we can sit down and have some pretty fabulous conversations about what we both need and want in the relationship.

The more you and your spouse talk about what is important in your life together the more confidence you build with each other.  If there is a subject that you are scared to talk about, start challenging yourself to be open about that topic.  Let your spouse know that this topic is difficult or emotional for you.  This is not a male/female thing by the way.  Men have just as much difficulty talking about important issues as women.  It just shows up differently!

Practice what you want to say ahead of time.  I used to write my husband letters because I could keep my emotion out of it and explain my feelings without the emotions getting in the way.

If you are having self esteem issues then work to build yourself up.  Find mentors and friends who remind you of what you want to be like.  Keep reminding yourself that you deserve a wonderful and confident marriage.  It will be up to you to build this confidence and learn to have fun with your conversations with your spouse.

Is Love Enough

When talking about marriage and being in a relationship I used to think love was all we needed to stay married.  Boy was I wrong!  My limited experience with love when young had me believing that love was easy.

My experiences over the years with love and marriage have shown me that love is not enough to sustain a relationship.  I was completely in love at eighteen.  After dating for over a year my sweetheart had stolen my heart completely.  When we got married I didn’t think I could ever love anyone more than that moment in my life.  Somewhere over the next two years I was still in love but the illusion that love was easy was gone.  We fought a lot, disagreed on how to raise our infant son and seem to have lost intimacy.  He wanted no responsibility, wanted to buy a great stereo system and accessories for his Toyota 4×4.  We were dispensable!  Love was not enough to keep us together!

Even though I loved him with all my heart, it was not enough to keep him wanting to be married to naive me!

My limited exposure to love and marriage was my parents relationship.  They met and a week later they were married.  He was in the military and we traveled all over.  Every two years we moved and lost friends.  Always having to rebuild relationship.  My parents and sisters were my only constant in my life.  I don’t remember my parents fighting with each other a lot.  My dad was gone a lot and when he was home my mom seemed to wait on him hand and foot.  He almost always was in a bad mood when he was home when it came to me.  At twelve my parents informed us that they were getting a divorce.  I was surprised.  Turns out he had an affair and he now wanted to marry her.  Years later my mom told me that even though they we married for thirteen years they were probably only together about six years because of the time he spent away with the military.  My dad is currently on his fifth marriage and my mom has been married three times.  Her last husband passed away about eighteen years ago.  My mom also told me that while she was married to my dad she did what he wanted because she did not want to be a single mother of four daughters.  She compromised who she was for him to be happy and he cheated on her as her reward.

I wanted my marriage to be different that my parents.  When I got married at eighteen, I learned that people at my wedding were placing odds on how long we would stay married.  Why did I not see the signs?

How is it other people think they know what is best for your life even though they are not the ones living it?

Back to love and it being enough.  There is still a place in my heart for my ex-husband.  If I throw that away then I would look at my son everyday and be bitter.  My son is the spitting image of my ex.  I am not bitter with my ex.  He was never capable of loving me the way I was meant to be loved.  I was not capable of loving him the way he was meant to be loved either.  I did not know what love really was yet and my perception of love was skewed by movies, books and dreams.

Love is a choice everyday to stay together.  Love is about understanding yourself enough to be able to understand your partner.  When it comes to love you can never love your spouse or relationship more than you love yourself.  To think otherwise would be deceiving yourself.  In order to truly love you must surrender what you think love looks like and create your own kind of love with each other.  Every relationship is different!  If you find you keep getting in the same kind of relationship, I would challenge you to look at you!

Love is about nurturing a friendship.  Being willing to compromise only because you care about the relationship is such a way that the compromise enhances you both.  It is never about keeping points on who did what or who did more.  Love forgives because to not forgive destroys trust and compassion.  Choosing love everyday even when you do not feel like it in the moment, builds your confidence in marriage and keeps you standing tall when you might not feel very strong.  Love and commitment help to keep you grounded when you would otherwise want to run and give up.

Marriage is not for the weak at heart and yet I believe love is meant for everyone.  It just means to love you must build strength in love and commitment like building a muscle at the gym.  Working everyday to get stronger.  Ask what is working when it is going well so when you hit a tough spot you can work together to find the solutions.  Helping each other through the challenging times and not shutting down when it gets tough.  Build those love and commitment muscles so you are prepared when you are faced with adversity.  For many years, I continued to ask my husband of almost twenty years, “Why do you love me?”.  Most of the time he would just tell me “I don’t know, I just do”.  I was insecure and wanted him to in essence tell me what he liked so I did not have to do the work to discover him.  Now in our relationship he randomly tells me why he loves me and why he likes me too.  Not because I am asking but because he feels it in his heart to share.  A much more desirable outcome for me.

Love is not enough!  It is enough to get started but not enough to sustain you through the tough times.  Honor, respect, compassion, forgiveness, compromise and commitment are some of the many qualities needed in all relationships to sustain you through the tough spots.  Keeping your heart open and willing to learn more will be the tools you need to stay committed.  Allowing yourself to love and be loved is a great place to be.  And remember there is so much more to marriage and commitment.

Goals In Marriage – Why Bother

I am a goal master!  I set goals in all areas of my life.  I have all of my clients set goals when working with me.  This has become my way of life for many years.  It has gotten me from the welfare mom to the successful business owner that I am today.  With that being said, one area that is often forgotten when setting goals is in your marriage.  I believe it should be the first place to set the goals but I understand why it is not often put as a priority.  I mean come on, if the relationship is going well and all feels good then why would we need to set goals?  “Don’t fix what isn’t broken” kind of mindset with setting goals in marriage.

I don’t know about you but happily ever after has not shown up in this marriage.  I mean the challenges we have been through in our marriage have been so many that I sometimes think that there is no such thing as an easy marriage.  If there is, it didn’t find its way to my front porch!  With that being said I want to be clear that I am not complaining about my marriage.  I am just being honest about the fact that we have had a lot put onto our plates that we were not prepared for nor ever thought we needed to plan for.

I was a facilitator with a seminar company for many years. In that time, hundreds of people would set goals to have a better relationship with their spouse.  They would say “I want to have a number ten relationship with my spouse”.  What did that really mean?  When asked what that would look like for them, the attendees would often describe how they wanted the outcome to be at the end of a 10 week period of working on this goal.  Very rare if ever, did I hear anyone say they wanted to sit down and set goals with their spouse so they both could work on the goals together.  It was more about what I am going to do and hope she/he would see the difference.

What goals have you set with your spouse lately in regards to your relationship?

I want to be the first to tell you “Your marriage will be more successful if, you work with your spouse on the goals you both want to achieve.  Doing so will help you achieve the kind of marriage you want!”  I discovered a while back that when I am working secretly on a goal with my husband and he does not know anything about it, I do not have his support and chaos is sure to ensue.  There have been times when I thought I was on the right track but since he did not know what my plans were, he made other plans and my goal got interfered with!  Often causing resentment and in many cases, hurt feelings!  Unless you are planning a surprise party or like this is not the strategy to a successful marriage.

How can you set goals and have your and your spouse on the right track in marriage?

Here are a few questions you could be asking to get the ball rolling to a fulfilling marriage. 

Each of you sit down and ask yourself these questions then come together and share your thoughts with each other.

  • What do I want our relationship to look like in the future?
  • How will I know when we have succeeded?
  • What is something I have always wanted to do as a couple?
  • What do I miss as a couple from our dating years?
  • How I want you to respond to me when we do not agree?
  • What romance looks like to me? (her)  or What respect looks like to me? (him)
  • Specifically, what I would like to see us accomplish this year is…

After getting together and sharing these answers, sit down and set some goals for this year.

Goals do not have to be complicated!

Some examples of some marriage goals:

  • To say I love you and kiss you each morning and evening.
  • Send her flowers once a month for the year.
  • Leave a love note in his car each day before work.
  • Read together each night.
  • Never argue in front of the kids.
  • Every three months we get away for a night without kids.
  • Lunch date every week.
  • Each month we will go over finances and plan for the next month.
  • Hire a housekeeper to come in once a month to do deep cleaning.

What would be a goal that you might or have set with your spouse?  Share here.

Sometimes your spouse will make the bet accountability partner when setting goals.  Sometimes it is better to get someone else from the outside to help you keep your goals with your spouse.  You can include another couple and then the four of you could check in with each other once a month via pot luck or double date and support each other in having a strong and healthy marriage.

My husband and I go over calendars in the beginning of each year and plan our confirmed vacations and important dates.  This way when something comes up and you have been invited to do something you can look at see if your calendar already has a priority on it.  Your spouse and family is always your number one priority.  If something comes up that is a once in a life time opportunity then talk with your spouse and work it out!  Communication is always the key to being successful in marriage.  When you set goals, plan your calendar around those goals and keep open the lines of communication then you are on the right track to a successful marriage.

If you need some support in setting some marriage goals, reach out and ask me.  I am always supportive for a successful relationship!

21 Inexpensive Dates With Your Spouse

Being in relationship with your spouse or significant other can get lost when so much focus is on success and work. Here are 21 inexpensive ways to connect, be together and keep your relationship as important as anything else in your life.
Over the years I have found that my husband is not looking for me to get him the most expensive gift to keep him in love with me. He wants to know that the relationship is important and I will be there for him when he needs me. Doing more little things with him throughout the year keeps us connected and supporting each other in our relationship.
It takes time to plan and put effort into your romantic life. You might want to dress yourself up a little, write a note, or just think about how you want your attitude to be while you’re together. If you want your spouse to enjoy being with you, make your attitude enjoyable.
Taking on one of these tips each month could create romance all year long. Enjoy these tips and feel free to share one of your own.
  1. Be a tourist and go around your town and rediscover your town and rediscover each other. Likes, dislikes, passions and so on.
  2. Visit a local museum or art gallery, look around, share with one another which items or pieces of art you like and don’t like.
  3. Go to a fancy restaurant after you’ve eaten dinner at home and just order dessert and coffee.
  4. Light candles in your bedroom, get a bottle of warm massage oil, and give each other massages.
  5. Hire your kids to make you breakfast in bed and serve you both.
  6. Go to a local coffee shop together and talk about all the ways in which each of you feel blessed these days, as well as your hopes and dreams for the future.
  7. Find a cookbook, pick out a delicious looking meal or dessert, then make it together.
  8. Play board games, cards or do a crossword puzzle together.
  9. Go to a community play, sporting event or a school concert.
  10. On a Saturday morning, make breakfast together, take it back to bed and eat and then snuggle together.
  11. If you have a wood burning fireplace, set out a blanket, play music, make a fire, and make popcorn or S’mores in the fireplace.
  12. Read a book out loud to one another.
  13. Take a blanket outside somewhere (or even on the roof) and stargaze with your sweetie.
  14. Make a date and both of you create a dream board for your relationship together.
  15. Put your favorite hot beverage into a ‘to-go’ cup, bundle up, and go on a walk together at a nearby park.
  16. Feed the kids early and rent a movie for them to watch. While they are watching movie have a candle lit dinner for two and then invite the kids back for dessert.
  17. Set up a tent in the back yard and camp out for the evening. Lay out and star gaze and enjoy each others company.
  18. Set a date in the middle of the day while the kids are at school or napping. Enjoy sandwiches and cuddling.
  19. Trade off with other couples for babysitting and date nights.
  20. Invite another couple to a pot luck and discover more about your friends in the process.
  21. Bring your minds together and discover an inexpensive date together.

What date looks inviting to you? What is an inexpensive date you would suggest that is not on the list?

One Syllable Words In Marriage

Ever have one of those days when being married feels like a bad test in life?

Shortly after graduating high school I thought I was an average intelligent person.  My senior year I had enough credits to get out of school at noon.  I caught a bus and went to a 32 hour a week job and then I went home and helped my mom out around the house.  I was a responsible young lady.  I was smarter than many and worked hard even as a young adult.

I got married eight months after I graduated to my high school sweetheart.  We had a son and moved to another city because he got a job at the Sheriff’s department.  He was making enough money to pay the bills but not enough for extras like child care or fancy vehicles.  I stayed home and took care of our son.

My days were filled with feedings, playing, diaper changing and everything that goes along with a infant in the house.  My husband worked graveyards and I had to make sure our son was quiet during the days so daddy could sleep.  When he awoke it was up to me to make sure he had his meals and was prepared to go to work.

It was difficult for me to keep the house clean, keep our son quiet and still maintain a relationship with my husband.  I admit one day I was a little frustrated with being in a new town with no friends, no one to talk to and my days filled with talking to my young son.  I told my husband that he never has time for me and doesn’t even talk to me about anything that is going on.  The comments he made after that is something I will never forget.  At the moment he spoke, I felt about two inches tall and felt I had no value left as an adult.

“Why would I talk to you, you only speak in one syllable words?”  “I want to talk to adults who are smart!”  To my defense I said “I am around an infant all day what exactly do you want me to say to him?  Had I been as smart as I am now I would have seen the writing on the wall.  He was pretty much done with this young woman.

Since those statements were said to me over 25 years ago, I have worked hard to prove I am not a stupid mother, wife and woman.  I have let go of most of the hurt that crushed my spirit that day.  I strive everyday to be better today than I was yesterday.  I have always had a good vocabulary but somehow in that moment of marriage I was a complete one syllable moron.  Did I say that he left me less than a year later?  Yep and even though it didn’t feel like it at the time, it was one of the greatest gifts he gave me, next to my son of course!

Never let a man or woman tell you that you are less than you are in marriage! Or anywhere in your life.  Speak highly of each other and know that insults are hurtful and can devastate the heart of the person you say you love.  Marriage is about working together for the greater good of both.  Fulfilling a companionship that is more intimate than any other relationship you are meant to have.   Speak the best to your spouse.  You know that saying “people will live up to what you expect of them”.  Speak what you want with your spouse and surprise yourself with what comes into your relationship.

How could you lift your spouse up today?  What would be something you would like to hear from your spouse?

Feel free to share a time when you felt a low in your marriage.

He Would Be Perfect If…

I have come to discover over the years that my husband is a good man.  I knew that when I married him.  However over the years I have been able to see him in action verse trusting what I believed about him.  He works hard and plays equally as hard.  He is a great father to our four kids.  He honors most of my requests and has a caring heart that is seen whenever someone needs help.

Often I go out as a public speaker and I will share this thought.  I would have the perfect husband in the world if he could just do this one thing.  Only one thing is all I would need for him to be perfect.  I then ask the audience if they would like to know what that one thing would be.  Always the answer is yes.  Do you want to know what that one thing that would make my husband perfect?

My husband would be perfect if he could just read my mind!  That’s all – Just read my mind!  Usually followed by laughter.  Yet the truth is he can not read my mind.  He can guess at what I am thinking and often will get that wrong.  So, since he can not read my mind it is up to me to tell him specifically what it is  that I need from him.

Can you believe that?  I actually have to ask for what I want and need in our relationship.  If I want him to spend more time with me… I have to be willing to tell him.  Not only tell him that I want attention but also what I want that attention to look like.  Yes it is very romantic to have him come to me and know exactly what I would like from him.  But ninety percent of the time he will fail at what I want because I did not ask.  I am all about the ninety percent of things going right in marriage.  There is enough in the world going against marriage.

This applies in all forms of communication.  Sometimes I show him verses telling him.  If I want to have a great relationship with my husband I have to be willing to be a great communicator with him.  If he is not living up to my expectations then I have to check in to see if I set him up to win with the necessary knowledge to know what I wanted from him.

My husband is perfect for me.  I still have to communicate so he can be his best with me.  A two-by-four moment happens every now and again when he missed what I was saying.  But if he was completely perfect I would probably end up bored.

Make sure you do not leave your spouse to guessing everything you want from them.  The saying “he should have known” is old school.  Help your spouse support you by sharing what support would look like.  Then move over and let them win so you win too!

Don’t Leave Your Date Hanging

Be On Time!

After several months of dating my husband he decided to take me to visit and meet his mother. We had spoken on the phone many times. I let her know what time we were scheduled to arrive and that I looked forward to meeting her.

When we arrived to her home after a two hour drive we discovered she was not home. After waiting about thirty minutes we left and went to get a soda at a drive through. Wondering what might have happened because I was very clear on what time we would be arriving at her home. By the way this is before cell phones so don’t ask why we didn’t just call her.

We arrived back at her home and within minutes she drove into her driveway and began to unload groceries. Let me just say that I hate when people are late with me. I am a time addict and love to be on time. We finally met and when I asked her if I was clear with her on what time we would be arriving she told me yes. Then she said this “you have to understand, Lawrence is two hours late to everything. We did not think you would be here yet.” Whoa, that was a wake up call for me. I then informed her that, when I say I will be somewhere at a specific time she could count on me being there.

The statement that my then future mother in law made was an opening to discovering more about the man I was dating. I came to understand what she meant and that he really did have a time issue. Throughout the years that late time has decreased. He is now about 10 minutes late to everything, unless he doesn’t really want to go, or business gets in the way or…. Let’s just say there have been many arguments over the years to get this habit changed and there has been some progress. This is still something we work with and I have come to not be angry or stressed about his late habit.

I used to take him being late as a show of disrespect towards me. I have discovered that he really just is easily distracted and wants to conclude what he was doing before moving on to the next thing. It still doesn’t make a girl feel good when her date has left her hanging because he is late. But he has so many other amazing qualities that I have to forgive and continue to work with him on why that is valuable to me. Oh and when he is on time… I just fall in love with him all over again.

What is something about your spouse that annoy’s you? How could you look at it in a different light and release the stress or frustration from it?