Who Said He Could Change?

For more than 20 years my husband and I have been together.  I was looking back and thinking… Who changed in this relationship?

We were both in our mid twenties when we decided to get married, start a business and raise kids together!  What were we thinking?

When we met he had just finished up active duty in the Marines and was just beginning his four years of active reserve.  He had a good body (of course that is my opinion) because he stayed fit in the Marines.  His arms were built well because he lifted a few weights here and there.  His body over all was a bit lanky and he wore black rimmed bc glassed. (bc = birth control)  Let’s just say he had a few nerdly qualities about him!

Me on the other hand, I was hot! (Again, my opinion) I was in the police academy, working out and being fit!  I had to get over that 6′ wall an all!  My attitude was hard core and I could match wits with some of the best nerds I knew!

Somewhere along the way he changed!  How could he?  I mean I married this man with a specific look and attitude about him!

Over the past twenty plus years, he has changed his glasses and then had eye surgery so he does not even wear glasses!  Who said he could do that?  Oh, yea that was me!

His body has change too!  This skinny lanky guy who had a size 30 waist is somewhere around a 36 now!  Where did those hot arms that used to wrap around me go?  The ones I used to grab hold of and think he could protect me against any force that would challenge me!  Okay let’s be clear on this, I did not give him permission to change in this area!

Even his nerdy qualities have changed!  Well mostly, from being the nerd to the Mr. Knows a Lot!  There is just a bit of difference between the two! One just knows and the other has a bit of ego behind it!

I have watched this transition over the years without paying much attention to it until I suddenly realized he is no longer the man I originally married!  How could he?  Who said this was okay in marriage?  What was God thinking when he allowed our bodies, ideas and attitudes to change over time?  I think I will throw a temper tantrum until he returns to his original state!!!!

Oh, like that will ever happen!

I have also noticed in this awareness, that in spite of the above changes he has made many other changes too!  He loves me better now than he ever did when we were first married.  We not only love each other, but we respect each other in ways that our young naivety could never imagine.  I still trust him with my life and know that even though his arms are not long built to look like he could protect me, his heart would be more powerful than his arms could ever have been.

He has changed throughout the years to be a better father than who he was in our younger years.  He is a great leader in business and works hard to continue to educate himself to keep his nerdly qualities intact.  I occasionally ask him to show me his arms and I still woo over how they are. (don’t tell him I am remembering them from twenty plus years ago.)  When his arms are wrapped around me and I feel his touch it is as if we were made specifically for each other.

Somehow through the years he has changed.  Some things for the good, some for the not so good, some things to bring out the best in us both!  We have not always like the changes in each other and yet those changes have actually gotten is to grow and become the people we are today.  I am not always very receptive to change!  Yet, when I can look back and see the benefits that the changes bring about in the long run change was worth it.  Expect your spouse to change!  They will never again be the person you married and neither will you.  We are all destined to change.  We can be mad about it or we can work together to make sure the change is a benefit for all involved.  I know that my husband will never be the man he once was, but the man he has become is so much more worth the love I now have for him.

Before you judge your spouse for the changing that takes place with marriage look closely at the benefits those changes can have too.  Oh, and even though I hate to admit it…. I have changed too.  I think overall for the better, with a couple bad habits added in to keep him on his toes!  :o)

Working With Your Spouse

Working with your spouse could be one of the most rewarding and most difficult thing you could ever do.

People will ask me if it is a good idea to build a business with your spouse. My first response is NO!

Then I share about how working with my husband for the past twenty years has gifted me with some wonderful rewards. I have greater respect for my husband than many women have. Traditionally men would go to work and the respect a wife learns about her husband is only from the time he is home. I have the gift to see my husband at work. I get to see how he handles situations, employees, clients and business challenges. This is a powerful thing to watch when your husband works from integrity like mine does.

Then there is the learning to forgive quickly. For better or for worse we all make mistakes in marriage. If you make a mistake and get into an argument then you better learn how to forgive quickly because it has no business at the office. Keep the personal challenges out of the business. Handle them, deal with them, do whatever is necessary to get past them because employees have enough issues of there own. Keep business where it belongs and keep personal at home.

We both know exactly what each other is talking about in business and I do not have to wait for a long explanation from him so he can tell me the story about something that happened at the office.

On the other side, there is the nights you become a business widow. While he stays late at the office to take care of some things I can not be mad because it is our business after all. Then there is the times I am in the kitchen with my mom and wife hat on when he wants to talk about business. Laying in bed relaxing and then he throws out how he made an appointment for you both and did not even ask if you were available. Sometimes, my employees will tell me things that I would think my husband would have shared, but nope!

Being in business together takes a lot of work. You have to be committed to your marriage and be willing to walk away from any drama that others want to cause in your business. (Oh, I am sure I will be sharing in future blogs some of those issues.) My experience is that sometimes I have to forget we are in business together and just be a wife. He has to remember that I am a wife, mother and friend and not every conversation needs to be about business. It is a balancing act.

If you are not willing to balance, set boundaries and stick to them then please work separately from each other. The stress of working with your spouse if you are not clear on what kind of marriage and business you want to create can destroy one or both of these. You both must be clear on your intention and always strive to be better at both.