Who Said He Could Change?

For more than 20 years my husband and I have been together.  I was looking back and thinking… Who changed in this relationship?

We were both in our mid twenties when we decided to get married, start a business and raise kids together!  What were we thinking?

When we met he had just finished up active duty in the Marines and was just beginning his four years of active reserve.  He had a good body (of course that is my opinion) because he stayed fit in the Marines.  His arms were built well because he lifted a few weights here and there.  His body over all was a bit lanky and he wore black rimmed bc glassed. (bc = birth control)  Let’s just say he had a few nerdly qualities about him!

Me on the other hand, I was hot! (Again, my opinion) I was in the police academy, working out and being fit!  I had to get over that 6′ wall an all!  My attitude was hard core and I could match wits with some of the best nerds I knew!

Somewhere along the way he changed!  How could he?  I mean I married this man with a specific look and attitude about him!

Over the past twenty plus years, he has changed his glasses and then had eye surgery so he does not even wear glasses!  Who said he could do that?  Oh, yea that was me!

His body has change too!  This skinny lanky guy who had a size 30 waist is somewhere around a 36 now!  Where did those hot arms that used to wrap around me go?  The ones I used to grab hold of and think he could protect me against any force that would challenge me!  Okay let’s be clear on this, I did not give him permission to change in this area!

Even his nerdy qualities have changed!  Well mostly, from being the nerd to the Mr. Knows a Lot!  There is just a bit of difference between the two! One just knows and the other has a bit of ego behind it!

I have watched this transition over the years without paying much attention to it until I suddenly realized he is no longer the man I originally married!  How could he?  Who said this was okay in marriage?  What was God thinking when he allowed our bodies, ideas and attitudes to change over time?  I think I will throw a temper tantrum until he returns to his original state!!!!

Oh, like that will ever happen!

I have also noticed in this awareness, that in spite of the above changes he has made many other changes too!  He loves me better now than he ever did when we were first married.  We not only love each other, but we respect each other in ways that our young naivety could never imagine.  I still trust him with my life and know that even though his arms are not long built to look like he could protect me, his heart would be more powerful than his arms could ever have been.

He has changed throughout the years to be a better father than who he was in our younger years.  He is a great leader in business and works hard to continue to educate himself to keep his nerdly qualities intact.  I occasionally ask him to show me his arms and I still woo over how they are. (don’t tell him I am remembering them from twenty plus years ago.)  When his arms are wrapped around me and I feel his touch it is as if we were made specifically for each other.

Somehow through the years he has changed.  Some things for the good, some for the not so good, some things to bring out the best in us both!  We have not always like the changes in each other and yet those changes have actually gotten is to grow and become the people we are today.  I am not always very receptive to change!  Yet, when I can look back and see the benefits that the changes bring about in the long run change was worth it.  Expect your spouse to change!  They will never again be the person you married and neither will you.  We are all destined to change.  We can be mad about it or we can work together to make sure the change is a benefit for all involved.  I know that my husband will never be the man he once was, but the man he has become is so much more worth the love I now have for him.

Before you judge your spouse for the changing that takes place with marriage look closely at the benefits those changes can have too.  Oh, and even though I hate to admit it…. I have changed too.  I think overall for the better, with a couple bad habits added in to keep him on his toes!  :o)

Are Cell Phones Messing With Your Marriage?

How much do you enjoy the convenience  of cell phones?  Do they make your life easier?  How are they for your relationship?

I have mixed feeling about cell phones and relationship.

I love the convenience of being able to check in with my husband when we are apart.  I can easily connect with him if I need him to grab something from the store on his way home from the office.  If we are traveling away from each other they are great to stay connected.  And of course if there is an emergency then having a cell phone is perfect for getting your loved ones to you.

The other side of the coin is that cell phones drive me mad!  While going out to dinner with my husband he checks in on his phone.  Sitting at home watching a movie together and he whips out that cell phone and checks out what is happening on facebook, emails and texts.

I think that cell phones have been a great addition to staying connected in relationships.  The challenge is keeping your marriage relationship number one over all the other relationships.  Next would be keeping your relationships with your kids stronger than your friend requests and games.

Just this morning while laying in bed i was playing a game on my iPad.  My husband came in the room to take a shower and get ready for his day.  He came over to kiss me and I was too busy trying not to lose in my game.  He kissed my forehead and headed to the shower.  As he waited for the hot water to get to the shower head he came back for another kiss and low and behold I was still playing my game.  I heard his sigh as he was heading back to the shower.  I surprised myself with what I said to him. “Now you know how I feel when you are on your phone all the time!”

Whoa, what did I just say?  In just a split second I realized that I did not want him to know how I felt so many times in our relationship when he has chosen the phone over me.  That feeling of a small rejection, of being alone and out of touch or the lost intimate moments that we both have missed out on.  I am not willing to let some little game on my pad, a message on my phone or hanging out on facebook interrupt my relationship with my husband!

How are you letting your cell phone interrupt your intimate moments?  How has your cell phone left a connections with your most important loves  disconnected?  Has being on your cell phone left someone you love feeling alone?

Make sure you put the most important people above your desire, want or habit with your cell phone, pads and computers.  Make sure they know that the important moments in their lives deserve to have your attentions and then put the phone down and connect with them!