My life changed this week. More importantly my marriage changed this week. I had the unfortunate news this week that my dad had terminal leukemia and the reality is that he probably has about 6 months to live. The interesting thing about this is I am at peace with him passing. I have been clear on my feelings for him and the impact he has made in my life. The part that changed my life was so much deeper than loving him or accepting that he is passing soon.
He has been married for over 21 years to his wife. They had some pretty good years. What I discovered this week is the past few years has not been great for them. She had some health issues and he had his own set of issues. They lost trust in each other. He lost trust in her and she lost trust in him.
When you are faced with mortality and the end of your life and you are coming from a place of distrust it is not pretty. This week I witnessed my dad be paranoid about what his wife may do in the face of his death. I have never seen so much anger, hate and hurt between two people while facing death. It was hard to watch this man who I love turn into a vengeful and vindictive man because he is facing death. It broke my heart to watch this play out. I watched her turn people against him and create a segregation in the family. There is not much time left in his life and not only will it be a tough end to his life it is a tough end to his marriage too. It has already divided family because he did not have affairs in order and people are coming from scarcity in this situation.
I decided to take a good look at my marriage. Is my marriage in jeopardy the same way that my dad and his wife? Could my husband and I come to the end of our lives and have so much anger, distrust and hurt in our lives?
We have spoken about this already. And the answer we are choosing in no! We will not allow the end of our lives to come to distrust, anger and have our marriage unravel in the face of unfortunate news. We took a good look at what we have in place that could prevent many of the issues that my dad and his wife are going through. My life changed this week! My heart is broken for my dad! For his wife!
I love my husband! I not only choose to be married to him, I choose to place all my trust in him. I commit to not letting past mistakes come between us in this trust. I commit to find more ways to be open and honest with him. Together we will make sure our kids never see what I witnessed this week. We already have our Trusts and Wills in place in the event something does happen to us. Making us set for unfortunate news that may come ahead. Our kids know that our affairs are in order and they each have copies so there will be no division among them.
Why write this blog?
I hope to challenge anyone ready this blog to check where their trust level is with their spouse. Could it be better? If so, I would challenge you find a way or two to improve your trust in your marriage.
I hope to challenge you in checking to see if you are holding on to past mistakes your spouse has made. Can you find a way to work past it or forgive it just a little more each day?
I hope to challenge you to check to see if you have your affairs in order. Is there something you can do that sets your family up to win in the unfortunate and unexpected news of impending loss?
Lastly, I hope to challenge you to look in your own heart and ask yourself “How can I improve my relationship with my spouse a little more today than yesterday?”
My life changed in many ways this week – and there is still more I can do to improve my relationship with my husband. How about you?